hell yeah!!!!

ok. so the last couple of days have been rough. kinda like holding vigil for my future. i have been a hermit. hanging in my house and journaling. i haven't really talked with anyone. just me and Mabel. been doing a lot of praying and a lot of thinking.

my cousin put my ring on ebay. and it sold today!!! hell yeah. i am thanking God for this. this is the next thing that will set some things in motion. i really needed to get this piece of old baggage out of my life. once it is in someone else's possession i believe that my life will start rolling on, in full steam.

i am very superstitious and i believe that material things, especially those with such importance as a wedding ring, carry magic within them. this ring has negative emotions and tragic decisions associated with it. that will change when some other woman puts in on her finger with the hope and promise of a new love.

i predict an interview or two. and then a job offer within a few weeks. keep on flying, kyla-michelle.

...from a dream interpretation site

"I'm Flying"

Flying dreams fall under a category of dreams known as lucid dreaming. Lucid dreams occur when you become aware that you are dreaming. Many dreamers describe the ability to fly in their dreams as an exhilarating, joyful, and liberating experience.

If you are flying with ease and enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. You have risen above something. It may also mean that you have gained a different perspective on things. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power.

Having difficulties staying in flight indicates a lack of power in controlling your own circumstances. You may be struggling to stay aloft and stay on course. Things like power lines, trees, or mountains may further obstruct your flight. These barriers represent a particular obstacle or person who is standing in your way in your waking life. You need to identify who or what is hindering you from moving forward. It may also be an indication of a lack of confidence. You need to believe in yourself and not be afraid.

If you are feeling fear when you are flying or that you feel that you are flying too high, then it suggests that you are afraid of challenges and of success.

In reality, we cannot really fly, of course. Thus, such dreams may represent that which is beyond your physical limitations. In your mind, you can be anybody and do anything. Another way of interpreting flying dreams is that these dreams symbolize your strong mind and will. You feel undefeatable and nobody can tell you what you cannot do and accomplish. Undoubtedly these dreams leave you a great sense of freedom.

frantic full moon

The full moon gave some crazy dreams last night. I dreamed I was a butterfly super hero. I could fly everywhere, I just had to will it with positive thinking. I flew up through clouds and higher until another layer of clouds. I flew through storm clouds, through rain, through lightening, through waterfalls, and rainbows. I felt hope. It was beautiful and I felt happiness. I need to fly and soar in my waking life. I am being held back and am ready to break free from my cycle.

This weekend deposited a lot of negative energy onto me. I am transforming and it seems like this is something that will remain endless. I need to understand that changing is constant, which makes it consistent too. I will never stop changing. I am however thankful for the negativity because it has given me the power to take back my wants and desires.

I am ready again to move. I am ready to move back to downtown Austin. I believe I will flourish there. I healed here in San Marcos and now it is time to move on.

My year long struggle is coming to an end. I can feel it. My hope and patience is still alive but is almost drowning.

night time yoga

I just had an amazing experience. I found a yoga instructor in San Marcos that I love. She likes taking yoga outside. For those of you not familiar with the town I live in, it just happens to be one the most beautiful areas in Texas.

In a secluded area in a park. A 10 minute hike to this circle filled with pebbles. It has a giant compass in the middle. Watched the sun set. Witness a lightening storm roll in. The moon was shining. Locusts serenading. AWESOME!!! Much better than a Saturday night in a bar. I also went on a LONG bike ride this morning and then went swimming in the river.

I needed this weekend to chill out. Obviously. That last entry reeked with anger. I am feeling so much lately and it seems to vary day by day. I think that is only normal. I was telling fellow yogi's tonight how much I am thankful for what has happened to me. Get this major let down and total shock out of the way. Better now than 20 years from now. I feel more awake and more aware. I know when my emotions are out of whack. I acknowledge them and allow them to take their course. I am working on letting 75% of my emotions roll off my back. If I could just let things go I might settle the noise down in my head. Maybe some day soon I can quit being so selfish, but being selfish is the only way to properly heal. My job has me giving so much that I need ridiculous amounts of me time.

Some just say this is a Saturn in retrograde problem :)

A trip down memory lane provoked me.

I stayed up late last night reading my old journals. I realized I am the same person that I was when I was in high school. I have always been way too intense and deep for my own good. I always get my feelings hurt and feel rejected. I have always looked for the "prince charming". I have always fallen head over heels for boys. Quickly and recklessly.

In fact I did it again. I fell for someone in a matter of a few weeks. Except this time it's different. I am walking away. I am walking away because I realize I am still not ready. I am walking away before it becomes yet another dating catastrophe for me.

I mean, what does dating mean anyway? Let's fall in love and have a wonderful year or two. Everything seems great....and then BAM. You realize you have put your life on hold for someone else. That someone else has just been putting on a front the whole time. Your expectations blow up in your face. I have decided NO MORE EXPECTATIONS.

I can't be caged in. I refuse to be defined in someone else's shadow, or a part of someone else. I am not traditional and I won't fucking pretend to be. I am not going to marry the suit and tie. I damn sure know I won't have a white picket fence. And if I get pregnant it will be by accident.

I feel more selfish than I ever have. I don't think I want the prince charming anymore. I have kissed a lot of frogs. I think I am just gonna keep kissing.

I am redefining who I am.

I am not finished being a badass. I am not done with educating myself. I am not done with taking risks. I don't want to sit still anymore. I want to shake things up. I want to live outside of a box. I want to attack the world with the claws I was born with. I am passionate. I am intense. I am a big fat mess. And I am starting to like it that way.

red lipstick changes everything

I wore red lipstick all weekend. It made me feel confident and in charge. I had one of the best weekends that I have had in a long time. I hung out with my old friends from college, my sister, and my best friends who live here in San Marcos.

I literally partied all weekend. Whoa!!!!

Last night was monumental. I said goodbye to old notions and welcomed new people in my life. I told my mother I would not change one thing that has happened to me in the last year. No matter how much pain I have been through, it was worth it. God has seen me through some tough stuff for a reason. I am not afraid anymore. I can handle anything. I have become a better person.

My horoscope from my favorite publication said I am beginning to have positive things happening in my life and it will ripple for many years to come. Nice!!! My cousin predicted that Mother's Day will be when it all changes for me. I think she might be right. Mother's Day last year is when Kyle and I decided to get married.

Oh I am ready for great things. I think happiness is finally here.

big badass bangin' weekend

I got some bangs. Some badass bangin' bangs. They are part 70's chic and part china doll look. It has given me a new attitude. I have been doing yoga so my body and my mind feel great. My weekend is filled with friends. This is the first weekend in a long time that I have had plans ALLLLLLLL weekend. So pumped.

My latest mind plague has been the call of home that I have been feeling. For about 10 years, especially since December, Louisiana has been whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Do I stay or do I go? Where does God want me to be?

I have applied for a few choice jobs and my PhD. I have heard nothing back from any one of them. Maybe I am supposed to get my PhD in Lafayette?

Ahhhh. But I will stay here for at least a year. Gain my bearings. Pay some bills. Help my sister transition into her new life in San Marcos. I will grow some veggies. I will experience life as much as possible. My soul just can't stop wandering. I call it my gypsy soul self. It is restless. It is taking me on a journey.

Things are finally feeling more comfortable.