OK. I cut a lot of hair off on Friday and it caused me to spiral out of control with my emotions. Not to mention, yesterday was a new moon. I really have been holding a lot of emotions in and just biding time waiting for the next big thing. I am DONE with the jacked up things happening in my life.
I am considering so much and really I feel like I am gonna lose it.
Home. I am thinking about going home. I always think about going home. My grandparents are still alive. I want to experience the culture again. I have been gone 11 years. I want a fresh start. I want to rediscover who I am without the last 11 years around me. Maybe going back to my roots will help. The place that nutured my being and my soul.
Career. I want a PhD. The only way that will come into fruition is if I starting writing and publishing. I need an environment to allow me to do that. I need a place that will let me experiment and then write about it. I have not had luck here in this area. But, after a few phone calls yesterday there is a principal who wants to meet with me next week in New Iberia.
Scared. Scared of picking up and moving again. Wanting stability but something is just not clicking here. Or is it my crazy mind that is not seeing things the right way. Will I miss it here. Is this really my home? Will I miss my friends? Or will Lafayette be the missing piece of the puzzle that I have been trying to put back together?
I wish a BIG FAT SIGN would fall right in front of my face and give me all the answers.
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A Job would give you time to work on all the rest, Kyla. A job would be an good anchor for you right now. A year here will tell you if it's right, if not...you can move on. It's not like you have a lot of stuff to move...come on now, laugh about that episode.
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