Nervous Nelly

I am a nervous wreck today. I have been anticipating today for a week. Kyle is suppose to come to San Marcos and drop off my stuff. He is then going to California to visit his best friend. I want to just vomit over the fact that he will be in MY new environment. And then I want to vomit if he doesn't show up. It is 10:15 and I still have not received a text message that he is on his way. I refuse to contact him. I just don't want to hear he is not bringing my stuff. I don't want to be let down again.

My whole marriage was one big let down. And I am trying not to be angry with him. I am not sure what this feeling is that is in my heart. I don't think it is love. I don't think I can love someone who has hurt me so bad.

I can't quite put into words all of the confusion and pain that I feel. This is a difficult thing for me. I have always been able to make sense of my emotions and actions.

I met an interesting member of the male species last week. He was visiting San Marcos and we spent a few hours socializing downtown. He calls and sends me text messages. Yesterday I had to call him to explain that I am broken. I have a weeping soul. I am in no way any person that he should be interested in. That hurt. I got off the phone and cried. I have never done that before. But, I guess it is nice to know that I have my head on straight. I squashed something before it manifested into a mess. It is hard being lonely. But, I just can't have anything unless it is friendship. It grosses me out to think of anyone being interested in me. I am so anti-man right now.