What the fuck?

Thus is pretty much how I feel about life lately. What the fuck is going on?

I feel like I have swam in the deep oceans of my emotions and have finally come out on top. I have nearly drowned. But, I have found a ship of my own, and on my own.

What in tarnation am I talking about, you ask? I am tired of hurting. Kyle is not so sure if he wants a divorce now. Huh? I don't know how I am suppose to feel about this. I keep asking God. I probably look like I am crazy half the time because I talk to him out loud every day and do so all the time, even in public.

I want to believe in unconditional love. I would love to get over this hump and make it as a married couple. Am I able to forgive him? What would the details of the next couple of months look like? Would he move here? I am not so certain that he would. How much time till he gets here if he does come? Can I live with everyone else disliking our union? And he still hates my dog.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckety Fuck.

On a personal note. It is sunny and beautiful in San Marcos. My garden is doing quite lovely. I am definitely losing weight. My friend Joe calls it the depression diet. And Wednesday is the deadline for my PHD application!!!! I am working on all that...